“Victim mentality – I don’t have victim mentality.  I don’t think like a victim.”  Perhaps you’re saying that to yourself right now.  Are you certain of that?  Are  you sure you don’t have victim mentality that you’re not even consciously aware of?  Consider the statements below.

victim mentality

“He made me feel like such a loser.”

“She made me feel like a big fat whale.”

“They made me feel like I just don’t want to live.”

“It made me feel so weak, powerless, helpless.  Trapped.”

“They made her feel like a burden.”

“He makes me happy.”

What do you notice about these statements?  This is something that’s so ingrained in mass consciousness, in our entire society’s way of thinking, that we typically don’t even notice this – it’s part of our everyday speech pattern, because it’s a thought pattern.  Look closely and pay attention.  Do you see it?

Look again.

“He made me feel like such a loser.”

“She made me feel like a big fat whale.”

“They made me feel like I just don’t want to live.”

“It made me feel so weak, powerless, helpless.  Trapped.”

“They made her feel like a burden.”

“He makes me happy.”

With the key words emphasized here, do you now see the pattern?  We’ve been programmed to believe that anyone or anything can make us feel a certain way.  This is victim mentality.  The truth is that we actually get to choose how we feel, regardless of what anyone thinks about us or says to us, regardless of any outer circumstance or situation – it is actually within our own power to choose what we think about it and how we feel about it.

Make a Conscious Choice Instead

Would you consciously or intentionally choose to feel like a loser?  How about a big fat whale?  Would you choose to feel like you don’t want to live?  Or helpless, powerless, weak, and trapped?  Would compassion call for you to choose to see someone else being made to feel like a burden?  Would you choose to play the role of a victim?  Would you choose to project that role onto another?  No?  Of course you wouldn’t!  You know it and I know it.  So how would you choose to feel instead?  Think about it.

How to Stop the Victim Mentality Thought Pattern

getting out of victim mentality

You own your emotions.  They’re yours, and they’re the most precious gift you have.  So stop allowing others to make you feel anything other than what you choose to feel.  The next time somebody hits one of your triggers, and you begin to feel upset, stop and breathe for a moment.  Catch yourself when you think to yourself or say out loud “he (or she or they or it) made me feel….” and remember that nobody makes you feel anything.  You choose.  And so say to yourself in this instant when you feel triggered:  “There is another way to look at this.  I get to choose what I think and how I feel about what just happened here.”  You can choose to forgive, as forgiveness is the very most empowering thing we can do for ourselves.  You can choose to feel your own emotions, and not what someone else would project onto you.  You can choose to feel gratitude for being triggered into finding a troubling thought pattern and releasing it right then and there by simply consciously choosing to feel something other than misery and pain.  You can feel elation to choose to leave victim mentality behind.

Practice mindfulness.  Watch your thoughts.  Watch your feelings.  Listen to the words you say, listen to what others say.  Listen to the words you say in your own thoughts.  Choose what you want to feel instead, and then feel it.  You don’t need someone or something outside you to occur in order for you to feel what you want to feel.  The only permission you need is your own.  The more you practice this, the more easily and quickly you get out of victim mentality you didn’t even realize you had.

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